cherokee62 (cherokee62) wrote in girlsinmyhead,

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Love is a Minefiled

No pairing on this one. Just what is rolling around in my head.

Summary: Damaged by the trappings of love, can one love again?

Fandom/Pairing: None- Original work
Author: Cherokee62
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 950
Disclaimer: This comes from the ranting in my mind. Any similarity to any other work is not intentional
A/N: Editing work done by Thelightwentoff

Love is a Minefield

Love is a minefield. Every few feet of that beautiful landscape has a mine buried in it. If you are lucky you can manage to avoid stepping on one quite a few times. I stepped into that minefield willingly and even though I managed to avoid many of the mines, occasionally one would implode close by me. I wouldn't get destroyed by the blast but I would be singed or outright burned by the explosion.

For many years I continued walking through that dangerous field, not blind to the danger but willing to take the risk for the sake of love. My journey could be read by the scars that crossed my body. My strength and conviction could be read by the love shining in my eyes when I looked at my lover.

It finally happened, but not how I expected it to. While I was looking down at the dirt, searching for signs of hidden mines, someone threw a grenade at me. It landed behind me; I never even saw it coming, and when it exploded shrapnel ripped into me and pierced my heart. I lay there bleeding and burned, reaching out my hand for my lover, but she just turned away, walking towards my attacker, giving not so much as a glance back at me.

I was dying. No other way to say it. I was cut and bleeding beyond repair. Why did I not die? Why did my pierced heart continue to beat when it should have ceased?

Was I too stupid to die or too stubborn? Or was I cursed by God to continue to live when there was nothing left to live for? It doesn't really matter I guess. I had lost everything I held dear, all I had worked for. What was the point of living without love?

Even though I had given up my heart would not stop beating, my lungs breathing. One breath became two, two became three. My heart, half black and scarred, covered itself within a stone shell to protect what was left of it.

I rose to my knees and began to crawl across the blighted landscape of my life. The further I crawled, the stronger my body became. Soon I was standing, looking into the horizon, hoping to again find that beautiful minefield, and dreading that I would.

I began a new life because I knew no one here. I had no past, no history in this town. I could start a new life on my terms. I would hold myself apart from others, make no friends and pursue no lovers.

I again misjudged fate. My plans had no affect on destiny and fate was unconcerned about my desires. I soon made a friend, though I kept her at a distance, showing little and giving less. Then I met another, different from the first but a friend to me. This new friend saw the stone shell around my heart and knew my soul was burned down to charcoal, yet still saw something in me worth knowing.

I tried to stay distant, to be nothing more than a casual friend to her, but she infected me like a virus, attacking my stone shell. Over time cracks began to appear, showing small peeks of a damaged but beating organ behind it. As more cracks appeared, my heart struggled to beat out a rhythm that was her name.

I feared the feelings I was having for her, knowing my heart was not ready for this new test. I could see the shadow of that beautiful minefield starting to come into focus once again. The more I tried to pull away, the closer she would move to me, reaching out to drag me back. She seemed to know the secret I was protecting; the cracks in my stone shell would widen if my heart generated enough steam.

She said she knew I felt for her, I denied the possibility. "You are my friend, nothing more," I would say repeatedly to her. She would just smile and nod, confident she was right.

One night she came to me and took me in her arms. "You have denied me long enough. You have denied yourself long enough," she whispered to me and took me to her bed.

I put up no fight as she placed her flame under my burned charcoal of a soul. The fire began to heat my soul until it ignited into a larger flame, consuming it as it caused the blood trapped within my shell to boil. My boiling blood created steam, which widened the cracks in the shell and large pieces began to fall away.

My soul burned down to ashes from the intense heat. Suddenly, like the fabled phoenix, a new soul rose from the ashes; sending illumination coursing through my body. As the darkness that I had so long ago embraced was pushed back, light was allowed to pierce the enlarged cracks around my heart. The last of that stone shell fell away and my heart began to beat louder, screaming the rhythm of her name over and over again.

She held me in her arms, tenderly nursing me through my rebirth. Tears fell from my eyes as she placed small light kisses upon my face. My heart once beat out of necessity and my blood crawled through my veins with only the intent to keep the body living.

Now with her touch, her fire, my heart beat for her and my blood raced through my veins exclaiming that I was alive! I was once again alive!

I am again in that beautiful minefield, but now I have her to hold my hand and guide me through.
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